don't lie

You know how when you first start seeing a girl, you find yourself accidentally telling them all kinds of subtly untrue stuff about yourself to make you sound a bit more interesting and mysterious. Well three years down the line you may still be seeing that girl and those lies will just become more and more awkward and difficult to uphold.

Like the time i was fingering some girl and got cramp in my foot.

I lept off the bed and i think i may have actually squealed. This would have appeared unusually ridiculous, because i'm 6'4'', so when i leap around in agony, it's arms and legs everywhere and things get knocked off of shelves, i think i broke a hello kitty lamp that came from some family holiday in Australia.

I'd just had my finger inside of her, and i was probably about to get my dick sucked pretty hard, so understandably i didn't want to kill the mood. (actually it ran a bit deeper than that, i genuinely liked her and didn't want her to think i was a total bell end, but it sounds better if i say i just wanted to get my cock sucked).

So as i paced the room in agony, she lay there naked and asked, 'what the FUCK was that?'.

a reply of 'Cramp' would have just sounded way too pathetic so in a moment of madness i decided to tel her, ''you know how Mel Gibson's shoulder occasionally pops out of joint by accident in lethal weapon?, well that happens with my big toe sometimes.''

Fair enough, she swallowed my cum about two minutes later, but i had to maintain the lie that i had a toe which randomly popped out of joint for a very long time. She would announce it at family meals and everything in front of my Mum, who knew full well i didn't have a Mel Gibson toe.