Thursday, 26 February 2009
Seriously, someone needs to find me a download of this song. I want Bobby Yip playing this at my wedding, to...
Who kind of reminds me of...
But in a good way.
Sorry, i just couldn't resist posting this picture for the effect it will have on most people...
Anyone else into that hollyoaks girl?
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Everyone is bumming Barack Obama. If i was a half breed i would be a little bit offended. He's not black. You half breeds need to stand up and claim ownership of him as your first president. There is actually a website dedicated to Obama art. It's funny how the very artists who were trying to subvert politricks are now contributing to it all, reflecting how the whole world is disappearing up it's own bumhole.
The evil part of me hopes everything goes wrong and Obama turns out to be the anti christ or something, just so i can laugh at you all.
Link to gay Obama art blog
Monday, 23 February 2009
They are putting cameras into our electrical goods, so just bare this in mind next time your girlfriend/mother goes out and you decide to put on her underwear, cover your dick in peanut butter, place it in your golden retrievers mouth and stick a wooden spoon up your ass (wood is generally not a good material for ass dildos, because no matter how much you clean it after use, some germs can live within the grains of the wood. It's a similar principle to why glass chopping boards are better than wooden ones).
Talking of wooden spoons. In my university days i had this girl back to mine (asian, just for the mental picture). We were both pretty fucked after a night out so obviously her boundaries were coming down and whilst we were getting down to business she announced that she wanted something in her ass. In this case a finger just wouldn't suffice, she wanted some kind of deeper penetration, so i frantically searched the flat for anything i could use as a dildo. Bottles are no good as they can create a vacuum whilst inserted and then become lodged within the anal canal itself. So i went searching in the kitchen utensil drawer. The first thing that caught my eye was my flatmates wooden spoon, i worked out in my head that if i bummed her with the handle part, the main spoon piece would act as a make shift butt plug, preventing her ass from entirely swallowing the whole thing up (this can happen, google it). O.K it wasn't MY wooden spoon but at this point in time i really didn't give a fuck about ownership.
Anyway after the deed was done i put the wooden spoon in the top drawer of the desk in my room and pretty much forgot about the whole sordid episode. I left that wooden spoon unwashed in my top drawer for the entire year i was in those halls of residence. On many occasion there were up to roughly eight stoned and drunk fellow students/class mates in my room at a time, including the unfortunate young chap who had been wondering where the fuck his wooden spoon had disappeared to. Every time i had a room full of people, maybe one of them sitting on top of the desk with the spoon in it, it would suddenly occur to me that if one of them were to open that drawer and glance upon the shit stained stiring device, my life would basically be over.
A.) I shouldn't have stolen the guys wooden spoon to begin with. That's bad enough. B.) I should never have taken that theft a step further and placed the spoon into anybodies anal cavity. C.) How the fuck would i convince an entire room full of shocked and disgusted people that i had not used the spoon to sodomise myself senseless and it wasn't my shit ingrained onto the handle.
Thank whoever fucking created this earth that nobody opened that top drawer, (just like the top drawer in Alan Partridge's travel lodge hotel room). These are the kind of risks i live with on a day to day basis.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Look at this girl, she's receiving this text and she wants everyone to think it comes from some secret annex of her life which is far more exciting than the social situation she is currently failing to enjoy herself in. This is a new type of behaviour which has been born out of the mobile phone.
There really is no skill or technique involved in this horrid practise, you just have to silently receive the text, never announce who it's from, but look as if you really need to respond, right now. For extra effect, whilst you reply to the text, you can continue the real life conversation you were involved in as you received the message, but don't listen to the other person and then ask them to repeat themselves once you've hit send.
Rotund females in particular, love this type of behaviour. They're not getting any attention in reality, so by simply receiving a text they want to create the illusion they have a whole fucking abundance of males pestering them day and night for any kind of action they can get there hands on. Because you don't know anything of this army of admirers, they must move in circles far beyond anything you'll ever amount to. Stripped down to it's most basic elements these girls want you to believe they basically have someone of the magnitude of a minor celebrity on the other end of the phone begging them for sex, arranging secret rendezvous in which they will commit sexual acts you didn't even realise were possible. One of Hollyoaks is on the other end of that fucking phone begging to eat the finest Belgian truffles out of the crack of her ass.
Or maybe it's just her mum, asking where she put the hairdryer.
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Saturday, 14 February 2009
I personally do not think i could bring myself to push my nuts up into my abdomen for any amount of money, but if you want to give it a go here is a quick guide:
There's only one place for the penis to go, and that's to fold it back between the legs. However, first the testicles must be gently pushed into the space they retract to when cold - yes they do pop out again afterwards! If not press gently on the bottom of the abdomen. This is where they sat when you were young, after all.
The space they dropped through is still there. The easiest way to learn to do this is to lie flat on your back with your feet flat on the floor, and find the place to push them into your abdomen. This will generally be straight up, relative to your body.
With this done, you can tuck your penis back comfortably, and all you need is a pair of panties that are tight enough to hold it all in place. But you will need to experiment to see what works best for you.
With a bit of practice, you can do the tuck in less than a second while standing up and pulling your panties on. It really is simple and painless once you figure it out.
Friday, 13 February 2009
Thursday, 12 February 2009
She has the whole androgynous look pretty much down to perfection (who else is into that?)...
Then just when you think she couldn't get much better...
...You find out she has a tattoo which looks like something an autistic kid would scribble on the back of their exercise book. I don't really want to have to jizz on a disabled child's drawing to be honest.
If i repeatedly performed the unholy act, it may eventually condition my brain to rely on that kind of imagery to achieve any kind of arousal.
That glimpse of tit shows she could have had so much potential.
Could you maintain the full adult male erectile state in the face of such turmoil?
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Sunday, 8 February 2009
If I've spelt anything wrong please let me know, thanks