Sunday, 31 August 2008
Saturday, 30 August 2008
These are actual celebrity lookalikes that you can book for appearances now. They are all from the same agency. Who are they? I was going to do one of those 'find out after the jump' things but i don't have the skills. So the answers are below.
1. Fifty cent.
2. Jean Claude Van Damme
3. Kelly Osbourne
4. Phill Collins
5. Kate Moss
7. Freddy Mercury
8. P diddles
9. David Hasselhoff
10. Craig David
11. Amy Winehouse
13. Ja rule
p.s they have a John Leslie of sex pest fame lookalike, surely he can't be getting much work.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Well i had the same kind of experience with the song ''I'm not a juvenile delinquent'' by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. I first heard it in the John Waters film Pink Flamingos, so it was already linked to some pretty fucked up shit anyway. I loved the song, and the singer's voice. I spent ages trying to track it down so when i finally got my hands on it, i appreciated it all the more. I used to blast it on my mp3 player all the time and it would conjure up images of the female singer being a fine young 1950's temptress who basically looked like Fred Flintstone's wife. I'd been going on like this, having all kinds of 50's sex visions in my head to this song for about 3 years. Then i did a youtube search, eagerly anticipating my first sighting of what Frankie Lymon actually looked like. Imagine my horror when i found out she was actually a 13 year old boy.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
I'm a proud straight male struggling to survive in the midst of modern society. If i was gay i probably wouldn't be into bumming (anal), but at the same time i wouldn't give a fuck what anyone else was up to. It always fascinates me how people can become so aggressively set in their ways when it comes to sexual preference. I'm talking about people of all sexualities. Whether gay, bi, tri or an Asexual wankaholic (they must exist), folk will often get so fixated on the activities they enjoy that they develop a kind of hatred for all other sexual practises, or maybe one practise in particular. You know what I'm talking about, any boy or girl who openly admits in public that they enjoy giving head will have been dissed for it at least once by some uptight little shit head. Well that is all light hearted mockery and what not, but this guy takes it to the next level. He's comparing the prevalence of bum sex amongst gay males to an Orwellian police state. He seems furiously determined to promote frot sex, or in other words cock-rubbing. Actually if I'm honest with myself, i'd probably be a cock 2 cock lover if i was gay, minus the wrestling/combat sport element.
By the way the link might be a bit strong for some readers who think they might turn gay if they see men fuck each other, or a close up of a bum-hole or something. But if you can handle that read on...
Monday, 25 August 2008
Here is some AIP madness for you, some of the most ridiculous trailers i have seen. This production company seems to have just about every action film sub genre covered. Horror, extreme sports, hip hop, baby selling rings, 'kick fighting', taxi dancing, euthanasia networks, the list is endless. Also they seem to use a lot of the same actors in every film so it's quite good fun trying to spot the fat guy with the beard and various other characters in each one. It seems as if they just couldn't resist packing as much action into each trailer as humanly, physically possible, so some times they accidentally gave away practically the entire story line including the ending. I just can't believe Gary Busey never popped up in any of these trailers. I think they should release a box set, can someone with connections please start a campaign to get it released, thanks.
They have a film called... 'COLD HEAT'.
The Satan killer
''Widowed, alcoholic cop teams up with an old private detective to catch a laughing serial killer who rides Harleys''
Does he look up at the end and complain to Satan, ''You never phoned me''?? Maybe i heard him wrong?
''Newborn babies sold to the highest bidder.''
''You know i can afford you!''
I love how the guy from Predator is in this.
I can't quite figure out what this guy is seeking revenge for.
'Let's put a Z on the end of hits. Yeah that will be cool'
That ginger guy has got a pony tail hanging out the back if you pay attention.
Terror in Beverly Hills
I love the way Frank Stallone punches with open hands in this clip, he probably thought that was his unique selling point. If i'd seen this as a kid i would have definitely used that technique on the playground.
Last of the warriors
There had to be a post apocalyptic one.
Skateboards from hell.
''We now own you''
Escape from survival zone
I love the way they flash a shot of a girl in underwear with no context just to show they've thought of everything.
I could go on for ever, but you probably get the idea.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Greedy. Nigger. Boy.
I love to imagine some fucked up little kid having this on their shelf in the olden days.
Saturday, 23 August 2008
Nightbreed. (as in the Clive Barker film)
I would greet any other suggestions you may have with open arms. Thanks.
In all honesty i would actually like to do this as a serious art project, photographing the landscape and also the van amongst various different scenery. Imagine that thing driving through the ghettos of Russia. Then i would release a book of the entire project or maybe just a website cataloguing the journey and the mixture of crazy parties and artistic photography of semi naked indie-rock chicks who had accompanied us in the back of our funbus.
If you don't want to do this with me, then you are an idiot.
Thursday, 21 August 2008
This is probably something really obvious which i didn't know about, but i just heard about this black velvet painting.
Do i know you?
I once caught him in the Kitchen practising flying roundhouse kicks.
Here is some kind of Russian Van Damme site, they have some treasures there.
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
The HBO series. I have to put this at number 10 because it's not a film. But you do watch it on a TV and it's my list so it's going in. This is possibly my favourite TV series ever. It's like a soap opera that takes place in prison. But unlike Eastenders people get bummed and murdered each week. It puts prison break to shame, You need to see it.
The highlander (Christopher Lambert) trapped in a futuristic underground prison for daring to have a second child. This film makes it into the list firstly because it adds a futuristic twist, secondly because you don't have to think whilst watching it and thirdly because i agree that you should be put into an underground maximum security unit from the future if you dare to have a second child.
7. Death warrant
Possibly my favourite Van Damme film. I was raised on ridiculous action films, so to this day, they are a guilty pleasure of mine. A prison film, merged with a martial arts film, with Van Damme, some transvestite inmates and the Sandman. What's not to like?
Not strictly a prison film as such, but the mental hospital definitely has the right feel and all the good elements of a prison film are there. This is such a well known cliche of a film, you don't expect it to be anywhere near as good as it actually is.
This is a serious rare epic telling the stories of three relatives who start out in an LA street gang, following their lives through dramatic intertwining journeys. I first saw this when i was about 10, it was quite hard to get hold of for a while and i almost forgot about it, but then i heard a few rappers referencing it in their lyrics so i looked it up again.
Ray Winston in prison beating the shit out of people. That's all you need to know.
Obvious choice, but still an epic classic. I would say Morgan Freeman's best film. It's basically a tale of great friendship between the two main characters. It has more or less every element you need in a good prison film. A naive guy walking in not knowing what to expect, conflicts between guards and inmates, unlikely friendships between two individuals, beatings/rapings, revenge for those beatings/rapings, escape attempts and strange or unusual inmates.
2.In the name of the father
Daniel Day Lewis is one of the best actors around, so you immediately know this is going to be good. Based on the true life story of the Guildford Four, in the name of the father tells the story of four people falsely convicted of the IRA's Guildford pub bombing. They serve 30 years or something for a crime they didn't commit. Its hard to watch a film about people being so tragically dealt out and not be affected by it.
The story of the Carandiru Penitentiary, the biggest most fucked up prison in Latin America. This is like City of God in Prison, i can't explain how good it is. There are so many colourful characters in this film, it's all told through the eyes of some AIDS doctor. You have to see this film. I would put this in my top 10 of all films. It's got subtitles, so don't watch it if you can't read.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Any body who is a keen reader of this blog, anybody who pays attention or tries to get inside my mind to find out what I'm all about or spends an afternoon following me round town and watches me go into burger king to see what kind of stuff i like to order will know, i have an obsession with prisons. I'm so dedicated to my obsession i ordered the OZ box set containing all six series from ebay Hong Kong (yeah even series six where it went all shit and the guy got eyes tattooed on the back of his head). That set cost me about £80 or something and it sits with pride of place on my book shelf. But anyway i don't know why i love prisons so much, they just seem like some fucked up parallel universe which we don't really get to see in our everyday lives. I am interested in any kind of secret worlds which as normal folk we don't really know that much about like prisons or gypsy communities.
I'm going to upload this prison documentary for you...