Saturday, 1 November 2008

Real men sneeze loud

I fucking hate anti climactic sneezes. Especially in public. You know those occasions when you're mid sentence in a room full of people, all eyes and ears are on you and you feel you're about to sneeze. So you make those awkward build up noises like you're taking in a huge gasp of air. You might even say ''i'm gonna sneeze, i'm gonna sneeze'', just to make sure everyone knows exactly what's going on. And then you try to hold it in so much that the actual ejaculatory release of the sneeze is nothing more than a pathetic hiccup. I think a man's sneeze should sound something like a fully fledged elephant war cry. A proud earth shaking animalistic bellow which makes people think he still has something of the neanderthal male about him. I always think people will be judging you by the ferocity of your sneeze. If you have a weak sneeze, then surely you will only produce a mere apologetic thimble full of sperm during orgasm and you probably can't maintain any kind of a decent erection anyway. If you sneeze quietly in public, you pretty much just told everyone that you have a small cock. Not only that, you might as well be showing your micro-penis to the room full of people so they can see exactly what you mean.
A man's sneeze should strike fear into the heart of anyone who hears it. It should send out a message loud and clear that he could, if required, impose his will upon you sexually, or alternatively he could simply kill you with his bare hands.

That's the kind of pathetic insecurities the modern male has to deal with on a daily basis.

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